Being away from my home church for Good Friday and Easter, I was able to experience God in another way.
This passion week, I was able to reflect back on my life and how he changed me.
Last year on February 14th, Valentines Day, I met Christ in a personal way that changed my life.
I accepted Christ as my personal Saviour and proclaimed that I will surrender all my life to him.
I was jumping up and down with joy because I realized that his grace is so amazing.
Last year, I remember crying and crying during passion week, reading the stories of how Christ died for those who crucified him on the Cross and how powerful it is that he has risen again.
This year, I came in to this passion week, exhausted both physically and mentally.
I was excited that we had three services this week but my body was just so weak.
I attended the Holy Thursday service with serious lack of sleep and lack of food. My body refused to eat because of being over exhausted and during service, I was so sad that I could not even stand up because of my weakness.
I couldn't sing, stand properly, or pay attention to anything during the service; I started to feel frustrated at myself.
After Past Young finished his sermon and went into a time of prayer, I heard the word "grace".
Grace...
Unconditional Love of God who sent his son to sacrifice for all our sins.
Grace...
That is not earned from us but is being poured down upon us by our Father.
As we were taking the communion.
I suddenly imagined the last supper that Jesus had with his disciples.
My heart started to ache.
In that moment, there was grace and love... an unconditional one.
My heart started to ache even more as we sang, here I am to worship.
"I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross"
...I'll never know.
Reading my blogs from the beginning of the freshman year, I realized that I suffered through the same issue for a long time.
The fact that it is not about me trying to earn his love.
I have been so lonely last week because I continued to earn his love.
But during the Holy Thursday, my Father opened up the heavens and made me realize how much I am loved by my father.
I am at home once again, right by my father. He calls me his daughter.
The love of God is so big that I cannot comprehend.
For the first time in my life, I was convicted to fast during Good Friday.
While fasting and using that time to pray and QT, I felt so much joy and peace from God.
Today on the Easter day, I witnessed miracles.
He moved the peoples' hearts to come to church today. He is changing us. He is changing those around us. He is using us as his kingdom workers. We are furthering his kingdom.
We are nothing. But we boast in our weakness and Christ.
Christ is risen from the Dead.
He is victorious.
He has conquered the grave.
We need to fear none.
God, your love is so amazing. Let me NEVER forget about your love.
Use my life as you desire it to be.
Let me surrender all I have to you.
Let me fix my eyes on you.
I love you Dad.
